**Most FBSM sessions involve male clients and female providers. This is not exclusively the case though. However, for the purpose of this article we’ll assume the client is male and the provider is female.
**FBSM = Full Body Sensual Massage – This term defines the type of bodywork where the client is usually nude and the provider is usually partially or fully nude or at least sexily clad while performing the massage.
**FBSM is usually a hands only service that often includes a “release” for the client. Many providers will offer other more sexually based services. Some will offer fetish and dominatrix type services as well.
The service, in its strictest definition, is a massage with the purposes of a “release” for the client at the end.
In other words, the happy ending massage.
This type of service is considered illegal in most states across the United States.
**Extras = any service during an FBSM that involves more than just the providers hands.
#1 Don’t Arrive Late
Being on time is a basic consideration for any type of appointment whether it’s personal or professional.
This might be your personal time but, it’s your provider’s business. Treat it as such and you will begin earning her respect as soon as you arrive.
Many women who offer FBSM are used to dealing with quite a few frogs before they find their princely clients.
Start off on the right foot with her and act like a prince by being there on time.
If you hit traffic, give her a quick call to tell her you’re held up. Showing her genuine respect is always a great way to start.
#2 Don’t Be Too Nervous
If this is your first sensual massage with this particular female provider or your first sensual massage EVER it’s always best to stay as calm as you can.
Easier said than done, right?
If you’re feeling extra shaky try mentioning something about the immediate surroundings.
This is an old actor’s trick.
When an actor is really nervous upon meeting a casting director (as they always are) they’re taught to mention something innocuous about the room when they first walk in.
***For example, if the actor sees a big, black leather coach in one corner they can say something like “That’s a big, black leather couch.” That’s it.
Just make a statement. Don’t try to make a joke out of it or analyze it. Just make a simple obvious statement.
What this does for you (or the actor) is immediately ground you in the moment and to your physical surroundings. It gets you out of yourself and away from your feelings of fear.
What it does for the person you are meeting, the massage provider (or casting director), is give them the opportunity to engage with you instantly on a non-threatening level.
Listen and watch very carefully to how they respond to your observation. It could tell you a lot about what frame of mind they’re currently in and what kind of session you’re going to have.
***In the example with our actor, if the CD answered with a wink and says, “Oh yeah, I’ve made a lot of decisions on that couch,” this could be very funny. Especially if the actor and CD are two chiseled looking guys.
However, if the actor is a pretty, young blonde girl and the CD a balding, paunchy, middle-aged man with a wedding ring… not so funny. You get my drift.
So make the comment specific to your surroundings. If you like the way the room is set up say that. Do you like the music playing? A piece of art work on the wall? Say so. This can spark conversation and help you feel more relaxed.
Also, giving her a personal compliment is always a nice touch. Of course, it should be genuine. If it’s not, you’ll become more nervous and she’ll sense your insincerity.
The fact is, most sensual massage therapists like to groom themselves nicely for their clients. So, she’ll appreciate you noticed her effort and be grateful you said so.
#3 Don’t Think You’re Running The Show
This is one of the biggest mistakes a new or any client can make. You’re on her turf. She’s in charge. FBSM is a passive service for the client. This is not an interactive session.
Realize, that as the laws stand in most states across the country, FBSM with hands only is illegal. Which means, for the most part, the provider is taking a much bigger risk than you are.
If she works from an apartment she most likely lives there or at least spends a fair amount of time there. So, she’ll probably be responsible for the rent (by the hour or monthly) and needs the space to continue to do her work.
As the client, you can always leave and you don’t have to go back. She doesn’t have that luxury.
#4 Don’t Treat Her Like a Prostitute
Why? Because she’s not one.
FBSM is a sensual experience that includes nudity and touching by the provider.
However, it’s a passive experience for the client. Your job is to relax, enjoy her touch and just let go.
Her job is to take care of you physically, energetically, sexually (with her hands only) and if she’s really good… you may just get “taken to church” and find that you’ve been elevated spiritually as well.
Don’t expect any type of sexual favors or extras. If those services are offered consider yourself lucky. They are NOT an automatic part of any FBSM session. ‘Nuff said.
#5 Don’t Stay Silent
If you really want to zone out through a lot of the massage that’s fine but, offer your provider some feedback and direction.
For example, when you begin, tell her about any really sore areas or injuries you’d like her to pay attention to or avoid.
Would you like a pillow? Would you prefer no oil? Let her know. She’ll adjust.
Later in the session, give more feedback. Did she address the tight muscles? Do you feel looser and calmer? Did you like the quality of her touch? Let her know.
She’s trying her damndest to give you the best massage she can. This will set a good tone for the rest of the session as you move toward the ending.
#6 Don’t Touch Without Permission
It’s very important to respect your therapist by honoring her boundaries.
For providers of FBSM these boundaries can vary greatly so always make sure you ASK before launching into a “feel-for-all”.
Be especially mindful of kissing. Many clients often just launch into kissing various areas without warning.
This is crudely known today as “kiss rape”. Don’t be that guy.
If you’ve done your homework and consciously looked for a quality sensual massage therapist, then she will have her limits. Respect them.
#7 Don’t Ask Too Many Personal Questions
To break the ice, she may ask you some general questions about the type of work you do or where you’re traveling from.
However, many clients feel it’s part of the service to ask questions about the providers personal life or sexual preferences.
If she seems like she’s willing to answer freely, fine. If she seems resistant, don’t push.
If you keep pressing her, she will either avoid answering you or give in and become annoyed. She’ll go along with it but, protect herself by lying. Is that what you really want?
It comes back to respect. Have respect for her boundaries. If you do she may be more willing to open up in later sessions. If not, don’t keep pushing.
#8 Don’t Ask For Extras
This can be a tricky subject and it’s worth repeating.
The fact is, it’s illegal in most areas of the United States to offer any type of sexual act for money.
However, many FBSM providers will sometimes offer these extra services but, it’s dependent on many factors all of which SHE is in charge of.
Usually a provider’s picture and wording in their advertisement will give you an indication of where their boundaries lay.
However, don’t expect it. It’s not part of an FBSM experience.
If you’re really looking for a sexual service beyond hands, then contacting an escort agency is the way to go.
You’ll be guaranteed to get what you want there. That’s what they’re in business for.
#9 Don’t Think About Work…
Or anything else that isn’t bunnies or roses while you’re laying on the table.
Don’t leave your cell phone on either. This is YOUR time. Make the most of it.
Your therapist will have her phone off and no distractions available (as they should!).
Any texts, emails, calls etc… can wait for an hour.
When you won’t allow your mind to go to a happy neutral place you cheat yourself.
It will only make the good vibes and sensual touch your provider is giving you much less effective…
If you know what I mean… and I think you do.
#10 Don’t Forget To Tip
If you genuinely like her don’t get cheap with her.
If she thinks you’re stingy she may not be as available for you the next time you call.
Especially, if she has kept her rates reasonable, do her and yourself a favor and give her a nice tip.
Tipping is especially important if you went over time or she’s gone above and beyond her normal routine for you.
This is a business transaction after all and a special service at that. Be classy and reward her with some extra cash. You’ll both feel better for it.
Thank you for reading and may all your sensual massages be wonderful!