Pushing & Backing Off:
Striking the Right Balance – Multi-Part Series
I appreciate the clients who come to see me for a massage.
An aspect of the sessions I enjoy the most, are the interesting conversations.
The nature of the work I do facilitates a greater depth of conversation than would normally occur at a regular work situation, event or club.
So, this leads me to see some patterns in your personalities.
The Endless Tug of War
For example, the issue of knowing when and when not to press a woman on an issue.
This is one where you guys consistently go wrong.
It’s also an area where women are notoriously bad at communicating what they need.
So, let me try to explain it for the ladies in your life.
What it comes down to is this; you guys tend to push when you should back off and back off when you should push.
In both cases, you guys tend to be totally clueless as to where she’s at emotionally and energetically.
To be fair, women tend to jump on a man when he doesn’t get it and gripe at them until you’re both fed up.
Unfortunately, it still leaves you guys scratching your heads as to why your lady isn’t responding the way you’d like.
In the meantime, she doesn’t understand why you still don’t get it.
Women tend to be aware of multiple layers to living that men often aren’t.
This makes women more sensitive to things that are not obvious to your sense of reality.
Herein lies the rub.
For a man to understand his woman better he’s got to pay attention more to the small signs and clues she’s giving him.
Pushing Her When You Need to Back Off
Let’s look at an example:
Say you and your wife (or girlfriend or significant other or even your Mom!) are leaving the house at the same time.
You offer her a ride to wherever she is going and she says, “No thanks, I think I’ll just walk to the train station.”
You ask again and she refuses saying, “No really, I want to walk.”
Now this is the time to leave it. Instead you persist and keep pushing.
Perhaps you’re feeling a bit rejected, so you press. She refuses again.
What’s going on? Is she keeping a secret from you?
Maybe you wanted that time in the car with her alone? Now you’ll have to wait.
Your mind begins to work over time. Is there someone else? Is she cheating on you?
Perhaps you’re feeling a low burn in your gut that’s seeking to prove your dominance?
You’ve now created tension between the two of you for no reason.
It may turn into an argument right then or maybe later.
It’s the small things like this that add up over time.
Let me tell you this, sometimes women just need to be left alone. Don’t worry. We’ll come back.
Just be cool. Being patient with women will take you a long way.
For what to do when you back off when she needs you to push…
The music video below is a MUST SEE. It’s called “Pushing On.”
Part 2: Backing Off When You Should Push
This is the other side of the pushing coin. Backing off can get you into as much trouble if not more with women.
Let’s start with another example;
Your wife has arrived at the restaurant you’ve made reservations for.
She sits down, orders a big glass of wine and launches into what her bitchy coworker did that day.
You try not to let your eyes glaze over and say, “That’s a bummer. Gee, the filet mignon looks good. What are you having?”
Okay. Let’s call this a teachable moment.
At our core, men and women are equal. We’re all human beings spawn from the same source.
What’s not equal is the way we communicate and see the world.
This is a Good Thing.
It’s About Balance
It’s how Life balances itself. Life will always seek balance.
Just look at your own body. We are made for homeostasis.
As within, so without.
Here’s the important part. No one expects you to relate to your wife like her best girlfriend, but you’ve got to stretch your understanding.
There’s a reason why she’s telling you this story. Play detective.
Ask questions. If you really don’t understand say so.
If it’s appropriate, respond with how you would handle a similar situation.
The most important thing here is to NOT back off. Not now!
She’ll probably come at you pretty hard. Why? Because she’s not feeling supported by you… not only in this situation, but in your lives together in general… (probably).
Don’t let her railroad you. It’s okay that you don’t see life in the same way.
The only trouble here is judgement. On both sides.
She’s judging you because you’re dismissive and condescending of her. While you judge her for being weak and easily flustered.
Reach a bit.
Reach But Don’t Get Railroaded
Women often gripe about bitchy coworkers and the like because they notice many subtle and obvious things that they tend to take personally.
What women can learn from men is the ability to stay contained.
While men can learn to be more harmonious from women.
If you demonstrate you’re trying to understand, without letting her stomp on you, you’ll earn her respect.
In return, she will start to feel supported by you which will increase her sense of self-worth and her respect for you.
With self-worth comes a softening toward you. Wouldn’t that be nice? Good Luck Gentlemen.
This is a fun video. I laughed. I hope you do to. (Psssst. Viewed 10+ million times)!
Thank you for reading.