Are You Leading OR In Charge Of Your Relationship?

This may seem like hair splitting, but when relating to others small things matter which is why I’ve distinguished between leading and being in charge. Which on the surface, seem like the same thing.

However, we are living in an increasingly gross, dense and superficial society.

To look at any socially interactive issue in a way that peels it back in paper thin layers, is often seen as ‘boring’ or ‘irrelevant’.

Since I’m a mature woman who is now in her 60s, I know that nuance matters.

Nuance is a matter of wisdom.

Nuance weeds out the clunky platitudes associated with general societal philosophies.

The exacting nature of nuance also helps us to mature, grow and have much better relationships.

Especially, the more intimate the relationship, the more nuance you need.

Below is the video of this short podcast segment and below that is the transcript.

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to another edition of the Bridges Bulletin. Let’s get started.

Hello this is Dyann Bridges, creator of the Relaters Manual and coach for men.

Today we’re talking about the difference between leading in a relationship and being in charge.

What does that difference mean for you and your lady? So, what does it mean to lead and what does it mean to be in charge?

Now most of the time these two things are conflated. They probably should be. Especially, at work.

However, when it comes to relationships and you as a man are dealing with your romantic interests in your lovely lady, it does need to be distinguished.

It’s important to understand that men should be leading the relationship.

At the same time ,men and women are equal. This is my belief.

Men and women are equal, but we are not the same.

That’s important. We’re not supposed to be the same.

A wonderful, sexy, hot relationship must include these polarities of the differences between the sexes.

So, in this modern world that we live in, what does that really mean? What does it look like?

So, if you the man should be leading a relationship, yet you’re with a woman who is equally in charge of the relationship and in charge of her own life, how does that work exactly?

Now, allow me an analogy. I’ll put it like this… you’re the driver and she’s the engine of the car.

So, let’s say you have a shared responsibility to the car, but she’s more like the actual engine. Now, depending upon how much energy she has and how much energy she offers you and brings to the relationship, that can be equated to the power of the engine.

So, you as the driver are in charge of what kind of car you drive. In the sense that you know how to drive.

The car is not going to drive itself.

Do you have a woman that you can really count on as a partner? Is she present for you?

Is she helping you? Caring for you? Or is she distracted? Does she nag?

Does she criticize a lot and how do you deal with that as the leader in the relationship?

Women are known for inspiring men, nurturing them, and expanding their consciousness. This is part of the power a woman has in a relationship.

You as a man have to know how to steer that. That’s going to propel you. That’s the power in the engine.

So, what are you prepared to lead? What are you prepared to drive? Do you want that Ferrari or is it going to be an old clunker?

The bottom line ultimately is this, relationships are about communication and you must know your boundaries to have good communication.

So, when an issue comes up that needs to be discussed about the relationship you’re both in charge and you discuss it. You make compromises, but it’s important that you allow her as the woman in the relationship to provide nuance and a new perspective.

This allows for an expanded vision of what you may be currently aware of and there needs to be an understanding that once the decision is made you will lead that charge.

That’s an important part of male/female dynamics.

If she doesn’t provide as the inspiration and expansion and power with a new fresh and nuanced view, then there’s not really as much reason to keep a woman around.

So, allow that to happen and choose wisely. Once you two come to a decision together about the relationship, then you lead.

You implement it – the decision.

Men are creatures of action. Take action on it. Her job is to trust that you will lead in a manner that will get things done so that you can reach your destination.

She’s there to support you in that and she helped in the decision making. So, being in charge will be divvied up, but depending on the type of woman that you have; if she’s very strong, very energetic and is very committed to your relationship, she may be more in charge than you think.

If she’s really smart, she’ll let you lead.

So, make sure you choose somebody you can respect, gentlemen. Know what you want. Be sure you know what kind of car (woman) you want to drive (relate to).

Know how to take action and lead! She’ll appreciate you more for it.

So, those are the differences between leading and being in charge of your relationship.

I hope it gave you something to consider.

Thank you for listening and reading.