In this post, I — Dyann Bridges — am going to make the case for men to step into their masculine, warrior selves to combat the epidemic of male loneliness and connection.
It seems there is a so-called male loneliness epidemic which keeps circulating online.
I’m not one to spend a lot of time on social media, but it can be useful in keeping your finger on the pulse of our fast changing American society.
Men are experiencing social isolation in ways they hadn’t before.
This specifically impacts their dating experiences, emotional intimacy, and connection with women.
What I see online, as far as how and what men should be considering in regard to women looks something like this;
- the language a man uses when he’s with a woman
- the expectations around his emotional availability
- how relationship norms are changing with the use of dating apps and older demographics getting back into the dating pool
Ugh.
If I was a man I wouldn’t want to deal with this.
In fact, I don’t like dealing with a lot of women today.
Why?
Because women have internal ups and downs daily. Many times daily. It’s up to us to figure out how to deal with all that going on in the inside as we go through our day.
I’ve found that fewer and fewer women are taking the management of their inner environment seriously these days.
So… ugh.
Why Are So Many Men Lonely?
In recent years, researchers, psychologists, and public health experts have begun noticing the deep loneliness and sense of disconnection many of their male clients are experiencing.
In fact, across many countries, men are sharing that they have fewer close friends, less emotional support, and fewer meaningful social connections than previous generations.
People everywhere are noticing this trend and it’s a problem.
The patterns that are emerging among so many men these days, reveal something deeper about modern masculinity, connection and society.
Some Cultural Shifts Which Have Contributed To The Epidemic of Male Loneliness & Connection;
1. Traditional gathering spaces such as; local clubs, churches, neighborhood groups etc., have mostly gone away.
2. Work has become more remote thereby reducing daily face time with real human beings.
3. Boys are being taught to socialize “emotionally” which means showing up with a sense of vulnerability — which is most often seen as weakness by both men and women — which neither men or women appreciate or respect.
4. Social media and online gaming tend to create an illusion of connection without the depth of a shared physical presence. It keeps the bonds between people open, but tenuous.
5. There has been much upheaval in people’s lives in the last few years. Whenever you start something new, more effort is needed to get it moving forward. So, things like a major move, a divorce, a marriage, new fatherhood — all of this can dramatically shrink a man’s social circle.
The Impact of Male Loneliness
Loneliness isn’t just a feeling. It can be measured.
Studies say that chronic isolation leads to increased risks of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even cardiovascular disease.
Additionally, loneliness can fuel frustration, disconnection, and a loss of purpose.
For men, this is surely devastating. Men tend to need a strong purpose in life or they flounder. With women, it’s more about their sense of contribution that is motivating.
Without trusted friends and family members, men can often build up internal stress rather than learn how to release that stress in an effective way.
So, seeking a remedy for male loneliness requires both cultural and personal change.
Sadly, what so many ‘experts’ say men must do to emerge from their sense of male loneliness often keeps them deeper in it.
For example…
- Experts suggest joining weekly basketball or squash games etc. These have often been friendship making activities. Most men join these clubs to get exercise, a sense of competition AND for comradery. However, for men, if they get a whiff of desperation in another man, they will steer clear. That’s a masculine trait. When you’re an apex predator, you don’t hang with the weak.
- Experts suggest that we ‘redefine’ strength (as if we should).
- They say true resilience includes interdependence — and for the most part I agree.
- However, what they describe as ‘interdependence’ is not so ‘inter’ as rather dependent. The experts say that men should seek support in the form of therapy or mentorship. They say this is a proactive investment in well-being.
Mentorship can be helpful when a man is young and learning the ropes. At some point, though the mentor leaves.
And… therapy as support?
Hhhmmm… unless someone is really hurting and dealing with a lot of trauma, most therapy does more harm than good. I say that from experience.
To encourage men to indulge in this way is flat our dependency. It’s not the new strong form of “inter-dependency” the experts say is healthy.
The Good News Is This…
The epidemic of male loneliness & connection is not inevitable.
Sadly too many ‘experts’ have adopted the idea that men have been taught to seek belonging, understanding, and shared experience.
And to a certain extent it’s true. All human beings need connection.
However, too many ‘experts’ suggest men be given permission and opportunity to build authentic bonds with others. WTF?
Since when are men told to be ‘“given” opportunities and not “make” their own opportunities?
The warrior’s way has been around since the beginning of time. It’s not really about actual physical battle which most of us do not engage in these days.
The warrior’s way is much more about a mindset that keeps your physical body and spirit calm, focused and battle ready — in a verbal way — than to just be aggressive.
If a man, with all his masculine energy, can’t go boldly forward to overcome challenges and make his own way, how will a man ever become truly masculine?
Perhaps, that’s exactly what the ‘experts’ have been convinced we don’t want.
I say embrace your masculinity in all its true, genuine, strength, resilience and focus, gentlemen.
It’s the warrior’s way and it’s the way to connection and banishing loneliness forever.
And if you want to listen to a short podcast I created that offers some insight into using your masculine sexual energy… listen here.
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