A hot relationship topic today is the oft called “situationship.”
Situationships are relationships that are more than just casual, but not fully committed either.
So, the understanding of what a situationship is seems to be this — a man and a woman are having sex on a regular or semi-regular basis. They are also doing things like hanging out having coffee or going to a movie or to listen to a some live music etc. Things that friends or a regular couple would do.
However —>
They are NOT friends and they are NOT a couple.
So, what are they? They are in a situationship.
Aye, there’s the rub.
No real boundaries. No real emotional intimacy. Nothing like complete honesty and certainly no real authority.
It seems that in general, many people, especially the younger ones, are tolerating the nonsense of situationships.
You can probably tell at this point I’m not a big fan.
I’ve been in situationships when I was younger. Although we didn’t call it that then.
It was just confusing. If someone asked you were dating that man — the best I could say, was “sort of”.
How stupid is that?
I don’t think human beings were really made for “sort of.”
Emotions are a funny thing. They are wildly unpredictable and totally ephemeral.
Which means they can bleed past boundaries – both physical and mental – unless we have some iron clad discipline — which most people don’t. Especially, younger people.
Now, you mix lax social-sexual boundaries and weakened personal sovereignty and you get — a situationship.
This is supposed to be considered normal, now.
Perhaps this is why we have such a particular view of the sexual attitudes of the Victorian era…
In the Victorian era, our social-sexual boundaries were locked in place. It was conservative and formal.
Men and women were expected to behave a certain way. There was courtship where a man and woman would spend time together, but always in the company of at least one other.
We were told they all — or at least the good majority — stayed virgins until they married.
However, the more I research historical times and sexual practices, I have learned that actual sexual activity was much more rampant than we have been led to believe.
The truth is that Victorian couples would plot and scheme their way to some alone time… AND…
They weren’t using their privacy just for kissing.
They were getting it on… full on. These Victorian “prudes” were having full on intercourse and loving it!
The men AND the women were enjoying sex.
This has been my observation which flies directly in the face of what we’ve been told.
Why is it that I find thousands of early era silent films that show naked women romping around in a forest, field or even a Victorian living room? The women are the ones getting undressed while the men stay clothed and ogle.
Where did the film maker find these brazen hussies?
I’m willing to bet he just asked a few ladies who were happy to oblige. All of the women in these early films look fresh and like they are having fun.
No embarrassment or manipulation in sight!
Fast forward 100 or so years and we now have ‘situationships.”
Our superficially ‘loose’ social-sexual norms are putting people in an emotionally gray area.
While in the Victorian era one could just ask, “What are your intentions with me, sir?” and expect an honest answer.
NOW….
You can’t ask and you better not be honest.
Which brings us back to the situationship… again. Ugh.
How utterly unsatisfying.
Yet, situationships continue because enough people are telling themselves it’s ‘modern,’ ‘hot’ or ‘cool’ or whatever.
Which suggests we are not thinking for ourselves. We only think we are thinking for ourselves.
When in reality we have allowed decades of ‘programming’ from movies, media and various authority figures to tell us how we should think.
We’ve accepted the situationship because it’s become part of our social-sexual norm that’s anything but normal.
Some argue situationships are a new way to navigate intimacy without traditional relationship pressures, while others feel it’s just a way to avoid real commitment.
Frankly, any way you look at situationships, they become lame really fast.
Victorian courtship expectations lasted for generations for good reason. Publicly, men and women expected decorum. Privately, they could, should and did become defrocked, unleashed and unhinged.
In my opinion, the Victorian way of proper courtship make more sense. It gave both men and women a chance to establish a real connection and develop feelings of comfort and acceptance from one another.
So, by the time they were sexually intimate, the corsets were flung off and the waistcoats abandoned for a good old-fashioned fucking. At that point there would be no ambiguity. No wondering. No ‘gray’ areas.
The expectations were clear. The intentions, set. Hence, the actions could follow with purpose.
In light of all this, situationships are an up front, sad, weak, tepid little bath of intimacy next to the simmering pot of Victorian stew sitting on the back burner.
So I say ditch the situationship and insist on knowing their intentions with you.
If you need a little help with that try a special type of hug….
Thanks for reading/listening and have a very sensual day. Dyann. xoxo
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