Why Men Stay – Could It Be The Guilt Factor? {VIDEO}

Today we’re talking about the guilt factor and how it gets men to stay and how women use it to get them to stay.

I’m Dyann Bridges and this is another segment of the Body House Chronicles. Let’s get started…

 

Guilt is a powerful tool. In my experience, oftentimes women use it with men to keep them in a relationship and men go along with it.

 

It’s a somewhat pathological way of feeling bonded. I think it starts with our parents.

 

Our parents make us feel guilty about all sorts of things and in return we as children behave the way they want us to and we get their approval.

 

The guilt factor isn’t always bad there is such a thing as healthy guilt. When you know you’ve done something wrong and perhaps done something that violated somebody else’s boundaries. It’s good to have that as a barometer. It helps societies flourish.

 

When someone can make you feel guilty for something, oftentimes we interpret it as respect for that person. Really though, it’s just a manipulation.

Why? Because the person who’s making the other one feel guilty has stepped over a boundary instead of maturely trying to find a compromise. Perhaps drawing a bit of a line in the sand of what’s okay with them or not.

They’ve placed blame on the other person and insinuated or blatantly suggested that the other person created some type of injury to them.

So, they’re making themselves into a victim and the other person into some type of abuser.

For example, they didn’t say, ‘Well I would really appreciate it if you’d give me a call when you’re going to be late.’ Instead they’ll say something like, ‘Oh you jerk. You never call. You know you’re late again. You’re goofing off and I’ve been here waiting for you and I had dinner ready for you’… or whatever.

Unfortunately sometimes people confuse guilt with respect. I do believe this starts in childhood with parents. Oftentimes when parents make their kids feel guilty it’s to try and keep them in line.

Kids interpret that as demanding respect or commanding respect. When they feel obligated to their parents to alter their behavior. They’re showing them a sign of respect.

So, when we become adults and we get involved with romantic partners that gets transferred. This gets in deep on a subconscious level. This can go on for years.

In this particular case that I’m talking about, where women will play on a man’s guilt and they end up reluctantly or sheepishly doing what she’s asked of him. to do. He does this without ever stating his side or his needs or putting down a boundary where he should or finding a compromise.

He just succumbs to feeling guilty and life goes on until the next chastising from her.

Then he caves to the guilt again until they can both get to a point where they can state their needs clearly, from their point of view.

It makes a person very vulnerable to do that. When you don’t blame the other person you take responsibility for what you need and don’t need in an intimate relationship. You put yourself at risk.

That’s why it’s really important to meet the other person with a level of maturity and calmness so that they can say, ‘Oh okay now I understand what you need but I really want to go and do this or I really love doing that can we compromise?’

This is often played out on a subconscious level which is why it’s so important to stay present. Sit with your discomfort. Keep a part of yourself watching your thoughts without disassociating. This is important.

You must be aware of your own thoughts and your own feelings. Allow that energy to ripple through your body while at the same time maintaining a measure of control in your behavior.

It’s a lot to ask, but that’s adulting.

That’s what it means to be an adult and we’re not going to do it perfectly. However, we’ve got to give it a shot.

So, guilt does not mean respect.

When two adults are in a romantic relationship it demands a certain level of intimacy and vulnerability. Which means you’ve got to own and be responsible for your own needs. You’ve got to be responsible for your own emotions, your own thoughts and your own behavior.

You can’t just dump on the other person. You can’t just manipulate and push the guilt buttons over and over again to try and get what you want.

I guess you can, but you’ll both suffer for it. You’ll be creating tension. You’re creating problems.

This can only end in something bad until we can mature and grow up.

That’s it for this segment. Thank you for reading/listening.

This is your host Dyann Bridges and I wish you a very sensual day.