Many women in a relationship feel like they have to hold back saying things to their men. Things they want to say but may bother him to hear.
Women want to put a voice to their desire to feel safe, protected and special by their men. A woman craves these feelings when she’s in a relationship.
However, this kind of conversation is one that guys groan at. Men don’t want to feel like they’re doing something wrong and not good enough for us. Women figure this out early… men have fragile egos. We learn that there are invisible lines that if crossed (even in small ways) it’ll make you guys leave us or at least pull away.
Arguably, a woman’s greatest fear in a relationship is abandonment. Many women fear their men will leave them. This sometimes manifests itself as guilt and self flagellation. We feel less than worthy if our man withdraws his affection.
Many might say a man’s greatest fear in a relationship is rejection. Men hate the thought of receiving criticism from their women. Even the wrong look from his lady can cut a man to the quick. Without the approval of their woman men feel they just don’t measure up. It’s no wonder women feel they have to hold back.
However, in the long run, a woman who puts a damper on her voice does more harm than good. If a man has to guess how she’s feeling he’ll get frustrated fast. He doesn’t want to risk rejection. So, instead of taking the risk, he’ll become distant. The longer he stays distant the more disconnected he’ll feel from her.
So, let’s take a quick look at how a woman demonstrates she’s been holding back.
**Please understand this is not a conscious process. The act of holding back often stems from fear of abandonment not maliciousness. However, as with most fears it often sets a stage for that fear to manifest.**
Do any of the following statements sound familiar?
– “You should know by now how much it upsets me when you do ____.”
– “Why can’t you just figure it out?
– Why do I always have to tell you to do _____?”
– “You can’t take a hint.”
– “If you really loved me, you’d know what I mean.”
If you’re familiar with these phrases your lady has not been as “immediate” with her thoughts as she should have been. The good news… it’s not as difficult to remedy as you may think. It all starts with respect for each other and for the gender.
There’s an inherent core energetic to being a woman or a man. If you don’t believe me, talk to someone who is transgendered. If men and women have only a few physical differences, why is being in the opposite body… so abhorrent? A modern example is Bruce Jenner… now Caitlyn Jenner.
If you have real respect for your partner and for their gender then the solution lays in simple and specific ways of communicating with her.
First, as a man, don’t let your lady steam roll you with her emotions. Be patient. Sometimes women just need to get it out first so they can calm down. It’s when you guys try to “fix” our problems right away that the real problems begin.
By the same token, don’t get belligerent, become dismissive or come across as condescending. She has her view of the world and it’s different than yours. Don’t make her wrong for it. The fact is, men and women struggle with different things when relating to each other. We have different relationship “styles” if you will.
So here are the 3 steps to communicating better with your lady:
1. Identify what you need. You actually have to know what you want to be able to ask for it. This is important and it all comes down to your preferences.
Our individuality and unique personalities are all so different because of our preferences. We come into this world with a unique spirit and continue to find new things to like and dislike throughout our lives. Know yourself by knowing your preferences and you’ll be able to communicate more deeply.
2. Express yourself as specifically and as personally in the moment as possible. This means stating how you feel ____ whenever she does or says ___. Something along those lines.
Don’t analyze what she says, don’t make her emotions wrong and don’t try to fix her. It’s fine if you don’t fully understand what she’s talking about. Allow her to explain it and just listen.
***If she starts to complain because she thinks you should have already figured it out… stand your ground.
You’re two different people who think differently. You’re in two very different bodies. You won’t (ever) think that much alike.
A good woman will appreciate her man more when he stands up to her without aggression. Do this consistently and you’ll have her attention and affection.***
3. State what you want/need from her to understand her better. Tell her exactly what you need to hear from her so you can understand where she’s coming from.
It’s difficult for men to state their needs. However, it’s part of the communication process. You don’t have to be vulnerable with everyone… just your lady. In the end, you’ll grow closer for it. A good woman will feel appreciate your efforts and reward you accordingly. 😉
***If she does not appreciate what you’re trying to do then be very cautious. She may not be willing or able to acknowledge you (for whatever reason).
If this is the case, knowing what you prefer to have in your life will help determine whether it’s in your best interest (and hers) to continue to work at communicating effectively.***
Life forces us to look at ourselves. All things seem to come back around to stare us in the face. Like it or not. Relating to the opposite sex is a big part of growing as a human being.
So, get to know yourself better and get in touch with your own preferences. Respect women and and respect yourself. All of this will help open doors neither of you had anticipated. In the end, you’ll both get more of what you want. Yeah baby! 😉
Thank you for reading and have a sensual day, Dyann xoxo
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