I said to him, “No, you don’t know women.”
I was describing the main topic of my blog to a man, just the other day, when I felt compelled to point this out.
Men don’t know women.
Granted this man was the kind of man who enjoys the company of women and is never long without a date.
He has a close relationship with his sister and mother too.
And frankly, I don’t know him that well. None of this matters, however.
I had to correct his assumption that he knew women well.
My assertion of, “No, you don’t know women” was met with an incredulous look.
I, the woman, was given an incredulous look by him, the man, who believed he understood women. What did I know?
Understand, this incredulous man is ruggedly handsome, not married and around 40.
He doesn’t brag much, but I think he gets around and does well with the ladies.
Hence, his incredulity.
I would argue that he understands what works with women.
He might understand what women respond to, but he doesn’t know what makes us tick.
This is the truth. Gentlemen, please accept that. It will make all our lives easier when you do.
Think of it like this; to make a wall clock work you know you need to stick a AA sized battery in the back of it.
Next, turn the hands to the correct position and the count down begins.
Men who think they understand women, know how and where to put the battery (so to speak).
The trouble is they don’t understand the mechanics of how the clock actually ticks aways the minutes.
There’s a big difference.
As well, I hope I’m forgiven for comparing the fairer sex to a $6 home accessory. :\
This incredulous man may think he knows women because it’s easy for women to be around him.
He is physically very muscular, yet he doesn’t have the slightest whiff of aggression about him.
Not verbally and certainly not physically. Too many men do.
So, it’s nice to come across a guy who’s relaxed enough in his own manhood that a woman can relax with him too.
Unfortunately, he made a common mistake.
Some men think they understand women because they can talk their way into sleeping with her or dating her… at least for a few months.
Or perhaps they have a number of female friends and think this gives them an insider’s edge.
I’m being a bit cynical, but my point is that just because a man can elicit friendly, sensual, sexual or nurturing behavior from a woman doesn’t mean he knows what really drives a woman at the deepest core.
How could he?
Granted… there is a lot about this man I don’t know. I suspect however, he has never really let a woman into his heart on the deepest level.
I’m sure he’s been in love, most of us have. That doesn’t mean a lover touched your heart in the deepest way.
There are many reasons for that. Anyway, I just don’t see him having had a great love. A deep love.
Aye, and there’s the rub.
To truly know women a man must allow at least one woman into his heart as deeply and completely as possible.
Your mothers don’t count.
ONLY when you’ve allowed your heart to be touched in this way can you truly understand what women (in general) want.
That’s because you’ve had the opportunity to connect so deeply with one woman. You can now understand all of us better.
This takes tremendous courage on a man’s part. Love is not for the faint of heart.
The guys who come to see me for my sensual massage sessions, the ones who’ve been married for awhile, tend to readily admit they don’t know much about women.
Why is that? Because they’ve experienced first hand how the women they know and love the most still confound them.
Guys who think they know women because they frequently date and score, tend to be players or just playing around.
They don’t have the emotional maturity yet to understand what makes women tick.
To let a woman into your heart deeply — deeply enough so that she will be completely honest and extremely vulnerable with you takes dedication, obligation and commitment.
Very often it takes years of truly intimate conversation and daily observation to appreciate where a woman is coming from.
It takes a certain strength and generosity for a man to get to this point.
Something has to cross over inside him. He has to want to open his heart.
This incredulous man is not there… yet. He needs to be more conscious and self aware. As do many men.
Heck, as we all do. Why else are we here?
So, I will continue to say, “No, you don’t know women,” and then help you guys to understand us a little better.
I can only hope you develop enough self awareness and consciousness to let a woman into the deepest parts of your heart. 🙂
Picking Up the Slack – Men Calling Out Other Men
Picking Up The Slack – Men Calling Out Men
I feel for you guys. I do. This may still be a man’s world, but it’s tough to be a guy.
This world tends to favor men, especially white men (let’s be honest) and opens doors for you guys just because you’re you.
However, maybe it’s this deference to men that allows so many of you to feel entitled to things you want just for the asking…
Talking to my female friends, many have told me how they feel an overwhelming sense of ownership and entitlement many men have toward them.
Why? Is it because these women are married or in long term relationships with a man who is feeling a sense of possession over them?
In some cases this is true and to some extent it’s understandable.
However, that’s not where I’m going with this.
The women I’ve talked to say they’ve experienced this overwhelming sense of ownership and entitlement toward them by a man… while she was on the street, minding her own business.
Yes, it’s that palpable and that common.
I myself (a woman of middle years) have experienced this and have also watched it happen.
I’ve seen men eye young attractive women on the street like predators.
Not unlike thieves scoping out a property to rob. Penetrating stares which expose their active lust.
It seemed the only thing holding these men back from actually pouncing or propositioning the young woman directly was a sense of social decorum… but just barely.
I want to make the point too, that these women presented themselves in a way which reflects our modern times. Their attire was definitely body conscientious while not overtly revealing.
They looked like any fashionable, self respecting young woman. Not, dare I say, like a “slut”.
Apparently that’s enough for many men to decide a woman is available for his enjoyment. And why not?
We women are here to serve you guys… correct? Nah. Not so much.
Much of this has to do with residual Christian dogma regardless of the religion any of us grows up with.
Christianity has seeped into every crevice of our culture. Here and elsewhere. It also has to do with the energetic makeup of men in general.
However, the reasons why this sense of entitlement and ownership toward women exists is not the focus of this article. What needs to be done to change it is the focus.
That’s where you guys come in (check out another post on “self-assessment”).
Women are doing everything we can to take care of ourselves, protect ourselves and stand up for ourselves.
When a woman experiences some sort of comment or penetrating look on the street the best she can do is ignore it.
We have to do better. It’s exhausting for us (women) and counter productive for you (men).
This type of behavior happens too often and it’s completely unnecessary.
Remember this is the world that men built.
Remember too, that women are here to inspire, delight and offer support and partnership for you. We are not here to be in your service at all costs.
Your natural protective instincts and tendency to apprize, should alert you to the fact that women are not being treated with the respect we deserve.
You have the power to change that.
As a good man, you have an evolutionary, if not a moral, obligation to pick up the slack for your less conscientious brothers (Here’s a link to some evolved brothers).
Women are doing all they can to preserve their sense of femininity and self respect. It doesn’t always work and we’re tired of it.
If men want to interact with women who are confident and playful and not filled with hardness and defensiveness, then this is your evolutionary obligation. Screw morality.
That won’t get us very far. If you want our great American culture (and beyond) to continue to progress, take a stand for women today.
Your sense of manhood will grow by leaps and bounds if you do.
What does taking a stand for women look like exactly?
It’s like men calling other men out (especially in public) on their rude behavior toward women.
Whether that shows up as a sexual comment toward her or gossip or even some kind of gesture or physicality toward a woman.
Call him out. I dare you to. I implore you to.
Why not say something like, “Let it go, man. She’s not interested. And what’s more, she doesn’t have to be.”
Or “Is that any way to talk to a lady?” Then watch the look of shock ripple across his face.
Be prepared too… for a verbal exchange or even a physical altercation. Try not to escalate it though. Such is the way of men.
If you’re hitting enough nerves you’ll also experience a certain level of abandonment.
Just know… you have the power to create change in your fellow man’s consciousness for the betterment of all.
Thanking you in advance for the evolution of our culture.
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