She Let You Down. Now What?
Here’s an idea: Stop expecting women to adjust themselves (For You)
I’ve noticed many men expect women to behave in a way that makes them feel like she’s interested in them.
In a way that pleases them.
Maybe this is a function of overly solicitous mothers, I don’t know and it doesn’t matter.
If a woman isn’t being quite as friendly and flirtatious as you think she should be in the situation consider this:
Maybe she’s not feeling well?
Maybe she’s tired?
Maybe she has a family issue?
Maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend?
Maybe her Chihuahua just died?
Or maybe she’s a lesbian? (Yes, some of you guys go there. Boo. Hiss.)
YOU NEED US
Here’s the deal… some women are very good at reading a man and adjusting themselves accordingly.
What do I mean by this? What I mean is, women can usually tell when a man needs a certain amount of attention from them.
This attention most often must be flirtatious in nature.
Women know it’s important when dealing with men to smile, ask a few questions of him, look him in the eye, mostly agree with him and laugh at his jokes.
We know this helps to soften your attitude toward us. (Men have a long history of being aggressive toward women).
This is important to understand because little girls learn early that if they don’t pick up signals from Daddy and adjust their behavior accordingly then…
Daddy pulls away.
Or Daddy starts to blame them for something or other.
Or Daddy starts to criticize them for something or other.
He will withdraw his affection and begin to manipulate her.
Basically, Daddy does a little mind-fuck on his little girl so she acts in the way he wants and needs at any given time.
This ensures Daddy never has to deal with his little girl’s true feelings. Feelings he may not know how to deal with or (God forbid) want to “fix.”
This way Daddy always gets to feel like a big shot in his little girl’s eyes.
Good for Daddy. Not so much for his little girl.
I’M SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT
Recently, I’ve had a few clients who made me feel like I needed to adjust myself for them. I felt like there were unspoken expectations I needed to meet.
They weren’t bad guys. They did NOT try to physically push me past my boundaries during the session. This is good.
The trouble was shall we say, energetic.
Some clients want to ask about my personal life. Nothing too invasive, but I’m resistant to questions like: ‘So, what do you like to do in your spare time?’
A question like that puts me off as I don’t want the client to think this is the beginning of a date.
I’m working. Let’s talk about anything except my personal life.
It’s Not Personal
I tend to skirt around questions like this and not say much in response or try to change the subject.
Although, I believe I was perfectly respectful… just not forthcoming.
So many of you men come in with a high expectation of a personal connection with me. I want to give you the best massage experience I can. I do want to connect with you, but not at my expense. That’s determined by ME, not you.
Yet why is it that you guys display distinct disappointment in me when you don’t receive the type of personal or flirtatious interaction you felt you deserved?
How is this MY fault if I’ve given you what I advertise?
Women are not here to meet your expectations.
Just TOO Into It
There was one young guy (30-ish) who began texting me questions. I answered with some humor and he seemed to be very into it.
Too into it.
So, he finally called to set up an appointment and I was very business like when I answered.
I wanted him to understand this was NOT going to be a hook up. This was NOT a date.
Nothing was going to happen beyond the perimeters I’ve set.
As he was booking the appointment I could feel his disappointment settle in.
I didn’t think he was going to show up.
It’s Just Business
Remember I’m in my late 40s. I’m long past the time where I would pick up a man’s cues and adjust myself accordingly to please him.
Besides, the massage sessions are part of my business.
You’re off the clock when you come to see me, but I’m working… and I have my boundaries.
Come with expectations of what I advertise for only, will prevent disappointment with women in general and with me specifically.
As they say, it’s business, not personal.
Are You Okay?
One time, a client asked me at the end of the session, and I quote: ‘Are you feeling okay today?’
I’ve known him just over an hour. What kind of question is that?
Then he began to tell me about how he was expecting something different from me after reading my blog.
Guess what, I’m allowed to be tired or in a low energy mood and I don’t have to explain that to you.
No Assumptions Please
Other things that don’t need to happen before, during or after a session:
- Talking about my personal life
- Assuming I have a certain lifestyle or attitude because I’m a sensual massage provider
- Telling me where you think I might want to go or what I might want to do for entertainment etc.
- Telling me what you think is “obvious” about me (you don’t have that much insight)
We’ve known each other an hour. Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am?
My only obligation is to give my clients the best massage I can and treat them with respect and kindness.
I DO THAT.
If you’re disappointed in me then that’s YOUR issue not mine.
I can’t (or rather I won’t) take your cues and adjust myself for you. Why?
I’m doing my job to the best of my ability and treating you with kindness and respect.
I’m human and have my ups and downs just like you.
This is a business. It’s perfectly reasonable of me to treat you with a respectful professional distance.
Remember, I am a human being in my own space with my own life. I, like all women, were NOT put here to please men. (Although in general, women really want to please men.)
The bottom line is… I am human. I have my own energy, needs and feelings to deal with. I’m doing the best that I can.
Women Want To Please Men
Some women however, are very good at adjusting themselves to a man’s cues. They know it’s in their self interest to make men feel special.
Other times it’s about survival.
The fact is, it’s rarely about you.
I hate to break it to you guys, but if a woman is flirting with you and making you feel special it may have nothing to do with you at all.
It may have everything to do with her current mood, energy level and her instincts for survival.
Especially, if it’s a work situation.
I would suggest next time you want her to adjust for you, ask yourself where she might be at?
Stop pointing the finger at her. If she’s being respectful that’s enough. Allow that to be enough.
Understand women are not put on this Earth to please you guys. Knowing this will help show you how to overcome disappointment with women.
Women want to please men, but we will do so ONLY if we feel respected First.
Finally, take responsibility for your own needs and desires.
Women are exhausted trying to keep up with it all.
On behalf of women everywhere, thank you & good night.
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